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Guns firing above his head,
Eyes glance down to his left,
Partner gone and his best friend died.
His heart wants to stay and mourn,
His head tells him to ‘move on soldier!’
One last look, his partners’ eyes stare blankly,
He remembers the last words he said,
‘I miss my girl, tell her that will you?’

Blood runs thick on the sand,
It will never be free of the sins again,
The horror the sun saw that day,
Can never be undone,
Thousands dead, millions so hurt,
Many, many more lost someone they loved.

No one from yesterday has survived to live today,
Only one, he is alone, his rank so low,
If he returns, he’ll be a hero, until then, he is forgotten,
Lost in the countless bodies of innocent deaths,
His finger on the trigger, scared now, afraid,
A child, no more than five, runs in front of him,
Her eyes streaming, she is an orphan, a loner,
The one and only survivor of her family.

His finger slips.

The bullet races through the air, but he was scared.

He missed.

It missed her by few centimetres,
Made his heart break to see the fear in her eyes,
As she turned to look at him, her body gave out,
She fell, so quietly, and was now so pale she,
Could be mistaken for being dead,
He picked her up, light as a feather, and carried her,
All the way back to the camp, but he was the only survivor.

They would die that night,
Both together.

His own country,
Killed him and this child,
No more than five.

Hi died for his country.

No more.

No less.
ok, i got challenged by relativestranger to write a war poem- i have never done one of this genre ever before so forgive me if it sucks! erm... yeah.... not sure about it...... comment, critique and HELP!!! =P
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:icona-nowhere-man:
A-Nowhere-Man Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2010  Student General Artist
i loved that it was a story most of the war poems i heard jut desribed how it is this one was great
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:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2010
Am glad you like it
Reply
:icontacoking1013:
TacoKing1013 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010  Professional Interface Designer
loving this one - very good job!!
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2010
thank you :)
Reply
:iconzedereka:
Zedereka Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2009
Should do more of these in my opinion.
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2009
Thank you very much. I will do at some point, gotten a lot more involved in the military since the days of writing this
Reply
:iconsgtalan-barrows:
SGTAlan-Barrows Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2008
I get but at the same time I dont. But please dont explain, It'll hit me eventually.
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2009
Any luck yet?
Reply
:iconlibri-animus:
Libri-Animus Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2008
this is really good...it has meaning
damn how come you geta load of comments on yours but not on mine???
please read mine and comment!!
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2008
I will do dear (: I used to be a lot more active in this community than I have been, you comment on others and it will reflect back on you (:
Reply
:iconisaiahk9:
isaiahk9 Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2008
very nice, sounds like a better/more poetic version of my "Is this war?"
Reply
:iconjameslsdkjsdlgj:
jameslsdkjsdlgj Featured By Owner May 11, 2008
that is talent!
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2008
Thank you very much
Reply
:iconjerm123321:
Jerm123321 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2006
I'm going to include this in my english project - I'm to find five poems, one of them a war poem. I'll give you credit, of course :)
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:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2006
Oh wow. thank you :)

glad you liked it so much :]

xox
Reply
:iconbblk:
bblk Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2006
Its great, thats all I can say.
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2006
wow thanks.... im glad that you liked it so much
:D
Reply
:iconbblk:
bblk Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2006
Lol. I am not great at commenting. I like it. What would ya like me to say? Lol
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2006
tehehe, is ok=P im not that great at replying... ur doign the comp aintcha?

good luck dear
Reply
:iconbblk:
bblk Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2006
I hope so. As soon as I have enough time to type some stuff up.

Thank you!! People are so kind here, unlike other places...
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2006
lol, you're welcome! that is because dA rules :D tehehe... and yay, i cant wait to see your piece!
Reply
:iconbblk:
bblk Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2006
Thanks!!!! Yeahyeah. The people here are just nicer! Lol. Thanks. Lately I can only write at night.. I dont know why, but I still have alot of time. Thanks again!
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2006
lol.. and you're welcome
Reply
:iconbrokenyoyo:
brokenyoyo Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2006
More gold!
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2006
golddigger.... :D
Reply
:iconthe-poetic-edge:
The-Poetic-Edge Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2006
Overall, very good I think. I used to really dig on war poetry a couple of tears ago before I moved on a little. So I still have that little soft spot for anything war related, but I think that this is really good. I'm not surprised that you got challenged to write one, it doesn't seem like something you'd normally write, but it's a very gallant first attempt, and much better than lots of war poems I've read, if I'm honest.

One last look, his partners’ eyes stare blankly,
He remembers the last words he said,
‘I miss my girl, tell her that will you

I especially like that bit, it reminds me of Sebastian Faulks "Birdsong" and it's a powerful image, the average Tommy missing the missus as it were, knowing that he'll probably never see her again.

Nice one :)
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2006
thank you very much, im glad that you like it, id never done a war poem before! im surprised at how well it has been recieved! Thanks, i may continue to do some more with this genre, when i have more time!
I guess, i have my brother and my father in the armed forces so i kind of know the other way of feeling- missing the person in the war (which sucks btw) but year, thanks anyway

Jo
Reply
:iconmeekiai:
Meekiai Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2006
coooooooool this is great awsomely written
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2006
:O wow!!! hehe now im happy for the day :D thankies
Reply
:iconirishtwilight:
IrishTwilight Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006   Writer
This really is a very touching and emotional piece. I really love it.
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006
im glad that you like it deary
Reply
:iconwiccanwolfsrose:
wiccanwolfsrose Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
This is a really touching piece.
I'll have to challenge relativestranger to do a piece.
it seems fun
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006
hehe u said:P thisll be fun to c what he comes up with:P and thanks for teh fve:P
Reply
:iconwiccanwolfsrose:
wiccanwolfsrose Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
no prob.
Reply
:iconwiccanwolfsrose:
wiccanwolfsrose Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
no rob.
Reply
:iconshadowkat-2010:
ShadowKat-2010 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love this :)
I don't really like war poems, unless they are from the 19th century, but this one was great :)
It's lovel-ly :)
Andy
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006
hehe, thanks hun! im glad that you like it- u shoudl read story of a stranger and she knows.... u'd understand them!
Jo =P
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:iconarianrhode:
Arianrhode Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006  Student Writer
You're good!
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006
im guessing u like it then:P thanks for the fave hun :hug: im so glad u like it:D
Reply
:iconarianrhode:
Arianrhode Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2006  Student Writer
It's one of your best :hug:
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2006
ooo wow!! :hug: yayayayayay *jumps around room (again)*
Reply
:iconrelativestranger:
relativestranger Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006
Challenge completed lol i think it very good very gripping

(this wud be punctuated but got filter keys stuck on my keyboard)

i think maybe poem should end on no more no less< but i duno y

it important point

this reminds me of an episode of over there(dunno whether u have it if not it about soldiers in iraq feelings towards what they are doing) in it they dont kill this six yo boy and then he throws a grenade at them
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:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006
hehe.... im glad that you like it! and yeah, i might change the ending..... :P maybe:P nah, probably will...... and no, i hadnt known about that thing with the six yr old boy---- but hmmm.... poor soldiers is all i can say!! thanks again :D :hug:
Reply
:iconvermillionunattainbl:
This is really really a good one actually.im impressed :wow:!
Reply
:iconirishhellgirl:
irishhellgirl Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006
hehe.. thank you *takes bow* and im glad ur impressed... my first ever war poem-- made me cry when i wrote it... (mi bro is in the armed forces) :hug: thank you so much for the comment!!! :)
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